Tuesday, December 20

#97: The nightmare

I've had a dream, no it's a nightmare. Because in that dream I dreamed last night, all of my life's dreams crashed down. I've lost you! Dramatically. I didn't want to talk about it because talking about it makes it stay longer inside my head. I've been avoiding it but I fail and it never leaves me alone, every now and then the picture of you leaving and me crying, according to that awkward nightmare, pops up on my mind! And I had a hard time convincing myself in the morning when I woke up that you are still here, still beside me.

Yes I get scared, so many times and every time actually. Every time I think I've lost someone. I get scared of what the future might bring for us. I'm scared of the idea that I might be left alone one day with no one beside me when I need people the most! I fear having no one to share my laughs and my tears whenever I laugh or shed a tear. Yes I'm too afraid. I'm too afraid to reap what I've sown, though I haven't hurt anyone by what I've sown, only myself! But still... I'm too afraid of what karma might have for me.

And I wonder, will you be happy for me when -if- it happens? Will you help me make it the best and be the best? Will you be the friend who never leaves my side? And will you hold me tight and tell me not to worry if my dreams collapsed in front of my eyes? Will you ask how am I holding up? Will you make it up for me? Will you help me if I were ever helpless?! Because honestly, you haven't before, or not that I remember. So, I no longer know: should I or shouldn't I count on you? Because I still think that I've got no one else but you...

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