Wednesday, May 30

#134: Incomplete

They get all stressed up, not because of all the things they have to do, but because of all the things they started but haven't finished yet.
I have a plan, I know what I should do, but that what I should do doesn't yet speak to my soul, it hasn't touched my heart yet. And I don't know how long shall I wait till it makes a print on me, or what else I have to do to make it speak?!

Writing isn't that easy, I came to understand. It's only easy when it means to make yourself feel better, so you pour on all your negative emotions on a piece of a white paper. So you think by that you are cleaning your heart from all the stains that are left on it. Sometimes it works, sometimes you're just running away from your heart. Because sometimes you say the truth and help your heart figure it all out, and sometimes you just walk around your heart and never go deeply through it. It's a matter of how much can you get linked with your heart, and no one can actually find that link too easily. It takes a lot of work, faith, and time to heal your heart and reshape the links between you and your heart. So, no it's not that easy. It's not easy to be positive and shinny, it's not easy to become a healer, it's not easy to find the glow, and surely it's not easy to become that glow. So writing is not easy, not when you wish deeply from all of your heart to show that you are something you are not, to pour out lights and sparks when all you have as a heart are some shattered pieces of a container that can't contain all the emotions you wish to possess, when you don't have a complete heart.

It's as if I haven't been living, since you've been gone. And I never thought I'm that weak to make you my whole life. But it's what has happened, and I must admit. However, I'm searching really hard for a replacement, and though I think that I've found it, it's not that easy to get. Yet I'm trying, like I always do. I try and try and try, maybe one day I'll be there. Maybe we'll witness that day together, and maybe not.

This is nothing of what I came here to say, I had a different plan, a plan that, unfortunately, wasn't that strong to speak for itself. So another stronger talk came out, and it's the only thing that matters, a talk strong enough to speak out loud.

Don't stop praying! :)
Stay safe, and happy... :)